Moving

We recently moved from a small island in Thailand to Byron Bay, Australia. 

On that little island in the Gulf of Thailand we lived a pretty idyllic life of turquoise seas and palm trees.  I taught a bit of yoga and homeschooled my kids.  We fit our whole family on a motorbike to ride into town, and the kids grew up with a profound appreciation for the ocean, the jungle, and all the ecosystems in-between.

People often say, “…but it was paradise where you came from!  Why in the world would you ever want to leave?”

It is this question which makes me look very deep within myself to find the answer. 

There is a voice within us all: a guiding directive or compass, which speaks to us from the deepest part of our soul.  Sometimes it is the faintest of whispers, and sometimes it screams at us from the inside with the hopes of being heard.  But it is there all the time.  And as I have learned very recently, it is there even in the times when we think it is not.

This voice has always spoken loudly within me.  It has guided me without question to make all decisions about my life, and until recently, with the help of this internal guide I have always had the intuition to know that “this is what I must do now.”

The choice to move to Australia was no different.  It’s easy to make a ‘valid’ reason that sounds good when you say it to others: “Our family needed a change,” or “the island is getting too busy,” or my personal favorite, “the kids need to have more opportunities and a good education.”

Yes, all of these are very sensible reasons and are also quite true.  But the most heartfelt truth is that the internal compass in me very simply but strongly said, “It’s time to move to Australia. Take your family and go to the Northern Rivers Region of New South Wales.”

So we did.  We sold or gave away most of our possessions, and we left our little island home of 10 years and came to Australia with one suitcase each.  We arrived in Byron Bay in the middle of the peak tourist season.   I felt a little uneasy about finding a house to rent and getting the kids into the ‘right’ schools, and my mind kept going on and on about all the things that COULD be a huge hassle or challenge.  But there, behind and beyond those chaotic and maddening thoughts in the surface of my mind, was the internal voice in a tiny yet reassuring whisper, telling me not to worry and that it was all just fine.

I didn’t hear that voice at the time, of course.  Too busy being caught up in the whirlwind of what I like to call “surface stuff”: the shallower external circumstances of our everyday lives that we often become so absorbed in that they envelop our entire being.   But… without even being aware that it was happening so smoothly, we found a house, completely furnished it, got the kids and Nathan settled into great schools, and established an amazing life here in a matter of only a few months.

With all of these ‘basic necessity’ details out of the way, my mind then jumped into “ok, now what am I going to do?” mode.  With our savings being spent away at an alarming rate in the Western world, I felt compelled to quickly jump into a job.  Sampling the yoga scene here proved what I pretty much already knew: that it’s very over-saturated.  And to find the balance between teaching yoga and being able to financially survive requires a severe amount of self-promotion, which is something that does not resonate well in my heart.  So after a few attempts to enter the yoga scene here, I decided that it’s really not a game that I am meant to play right now.  The decision came to teach yoga only when the opportunity presents itself organically or when I am asked.  And so the time came to look at doing something else.

But what?  I looked to the internal compass for the answer.  I listened carefully for that familiar voice telling me what move to make next.  I sat in meditation asking lovingly for some guidance and protection during this very transitional experience in my life.  But there was only silence.

It is a very blessed space to be in when any option is available .  Like standing at a crossroads and being able to go in any direction, but not knowing at all which way to go.  Without that internal directive speaking in its loud voice, how was I to know what to do next?  I started to feel lost and very uncomfortable. 

Little did I realize at the time, but that internal compass was working its magic behind the scenes.  The lost and uncomfortable feeling spiraled into a deep examination of the world and the state of humanity.  I looked around, seeing the destruction to this amazing planet that we, as humans, are inflicting upon this precious home that we call Earth.  I began to clearly see the dance of Life, expanding and becoming ever-more complex in the forms of technology, AI, and countless other ways, almost to the point of complete overload and chaos.  As I sat in my garden, watching the sun shine through the trees and dance on the spider webs, I wondered how it came to this point in humanity where we have allowed the feeding of people to become a commodity and where creating a cyber-world seems more important than protecting and preserving the very planet we live on and the resources that keep us alive.  A rainbow of colors shone through the spider’s web in my yard… such an amazing feat of nature.. and I also wondered why noticing and appreciating such beauty which is right there all the time around us is not enough?

It was in this moment that I heard the internal voice. It spoke in a tone that was so soft and subtle, and at that moment I realized it had been speaking to me all the time.  It sang in a wordless language, which is why I had not recognized it… and it sang the song of All Life with a love so great that it moved me to tears.  Through this song, I understood the divine, creative power behind everything, even the things that our minds judge to bad, unpleasant, and even tragic.

“You see,” whispered the song, “it is simply the loving creative force, the Shakti, expressing itself in every, single way possible.  You feel what your mind thinks is your own experience, but the individual identity of ‘you’ is simply another point in this ever-complex play.  Internally and externally, ever expanding and contracting: this is the infinite play of Life.  So do not let your mind get caught up in the surface stuff so much.  Rest in a deeper knowing that everything which is created and experienced is part of the dance.  Feel it all fully and smile, knowing that even the parts that seem lost and uncomfortable, and even painful are simply an experience in this Great Dance.”

A deep, deep feeling of reverence overcame me.  Tears of gratitude streamed from my eyes as I felt myself truly as a note in this Grand Symphony, but also the Symphony itself, as well as the composer, the instruments, and the stave on which the notes are written.

“Yes.” the song said, “Now share this.  Allow this knowing, this Extraordinary Song, to sing itself through you, without concern for the surface stuff. Write. And keep writing until no more words come. And know that all is as it should be.”